On Gratitude – A good friend (is one of the greatest things you can be in this world)

As the New Year approaches, and I reflect on all that has passed in the past two years, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, and with the recognition that I would be nothing if it weren’t for the efforts of many people.

One person stands clear above the rest – my good friend Anatoly Rinberg.

I’m going to keep this short, because this will be irrelevant for most of you, and because he should already know most of this. I admit – this post will be more for myself than for anyone else.

***

When I fell off the radar during the depths of my depression, Toly reached out to me.

When I thought I was going insane, and loathed myself for mistakes I’d made in my past, Toly expressed his strong belief in me.

When I isolated myself in China, and each day looked forward to nothing but drink, Toly visited me.

When I survived rock bottom, Toly stayed in touch.

When I dropped out of school, and my father cut ties, Toly opened up his world to me and gave me a place to stay.

***

While I hold unorthodox views on many issues, I am very old fashioned when it comes to my views on friendship. I value loyalty above almost all else – to an extent beyond reason.

Toly surpasses my standards.

One thing I have learned from these past two years is that there are few people in this world you can count on. This is not a matter of my being cynical – it is fact. There are many good people who will treat you with kindness, and many who will generously offer help when it does not greatly inconvenience them, but when shit goes down, it is incredibly rare to find someone who will sacrifice for you. It is nearly impossible.

Let me briefly recount a story about my Younger Uncle in China.

When my Younger Uncle, at my father’s request, quit college to start working on my father’s chemical business, they were the poorest of the poor. This was blind faith between blood brothers. My father was a scientist, with no experience doing business, and they were ten years apart in age – when my father left for college in China, my Younger Uncle was only five or six years old. They hardly knew each other.

When they first started out, they had nothing. My Younger Uncle had to drink excessive amounts of alcohol and put his pride on the mat to find someone who would lease them a factory. They rode long distances on shitty bicycles to get to work, and they often worked days in a row without sleeping. Mice crawled up their pant legs.

My paternal grandparents were long ming – farmers from the countryside. It pained them to see their sons, whom they had sacrificed so much for to raise and send to college, struggle for what seemed like an illusory dream.

In a culture that values pride and honor above all else, my Younger Uncle had none to speak of. When he walked by his old college classmates on the street, none would acknowledge him.

Now that he is successful, they take him out for drinks, and ask him to pay for their health insurance.

When I was in China, and my Younger Uncle took me in as “a second son,” he told me that one can never have any friends. There’s no such thing as a true friend, he said, and he tried repeatedly to drill this into my head.

Still, I insisted he was wrong, not because I have faith in most people – I do not – but because I believed I could count Toly as a real friend.

Toly, you proved me right. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me – I’ll never forget it.

See you today at Princeton Junction.

-Dave

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Reader Responses – Justin and “Avid Reader” (Core beliefs)

For those of you who haven’t done so already, please check out Justin’s and Avid Reader’s responses to my post “On Our Social Venture – Core beliefs.”

Given the overlap b/w their replies, I will respond to that overlap in this post. For your convenience, I will recap their thoughts (and hopefully I will do them justice):

Justin said (in part 6 of his reply),

“Science shows that we are a product of chemical processes and biological structures that exist in a physical world.” Given that fact, depression very well may be, to some degree, “a problem of chemistry, biology, or physics.” He then posited, “If we can document brain patterns for when we think, why can’t we track the chemistry behind depression and perhaps understand alterations based on drugs?”

He then advocated reconciling my emphasis on human agency in overcoming depression with an acceptance for “the agency of chemical alterations in changing the way our minds work.”

Avid Reader drew the analogy (from his/her high school physics class) of trying to find an approximation for physical phenomena via an equation, to trying to find an approximate solution for depression, viewing “each human being as a problem that does have a solution.”

He said, “Though our initial equation may be an approximation, in fact, that serves to generally describe many of the problems (or most people) that we observe, and we can begin to make better and better approximations, adding more specific terms, so that our equation only describes the single problem we began with.”

He continued to say that “Psychiatry, given this analogy, is about trying to figure out how to write an equation that represents most people, and perhaps provides further approximations that can be made for given specific characteristics of the person being observed.”

He acknowledged the human limitations of time and energy in dealing with the complexity and variety of human beings (who suffer from depression), but concluded that “though psychiatry, and thus medication, may be an impractical way to help everyone, it is probably a very effective way of helping most people” and “every person can be logically figured out to a very close approximation.”

Lastly, he advocated that people try to do just that – try to “figure themselves out, so that they can logically help themselves through hard times.”

Here is my response:



Justin, I absolutely agree that depression is to some (probably large) degree a problem of chemistry, biology, physics, etc. I’m fully ready to accept the scientific literature that speaks of chemical imbalances.

I just believe that medication is not the best way to address the chemical imbalance. I believe it can better be done through life changes and adopting a good and strongly hopeful outlook on life.

The somewhat applicable analogy I would draw here is that building muscle is also about chemical changes (hormones and whatnot), and while we certainly can use steroids/HGH to accomplish this, it is better in the long run for most people to develop the will and discipline to exercise.

In short, I agree with your reconciliation of agencies (chemical and human), but would add that they may not even need to be reconciled at all if you look at it in a certain way – human agency drives chemical agency, and everything you do (even merely existing and maintaining homeostasis) involves chemical changes in your body.

Avid Reader, your post is the strongest argument for therapy/medication I’ve ever come across. I suppose (I would hope) that was the original intention of therapy and medication in the first place, though my intuitive sense (based on very limited reading of articles and listening to a few speakers) tells me that they’ve sold out and gone commercial. For instance, you hear these days about how pharmaceutical companies make minor irrelevant changes - and disguise those changes as “innovation” – all for the sake of upping the prices of newer medications.

In short, I entirely agree with you that therapy and medication have enormous potential to help people out, at least in theory. However (and you have already pointed all of this out), it is a matter of time and feasibility. To adequately approximate the “equation” would take an enormous amount of time, and I’m not so sure the powers-that-be are quite willing to devote their lives and energies to it (sure, psychiatry is young, but it seems it’s going in an awful direction).

I would add also the caveat that I still believe that therapy and medication are fundamentally too passive, and that the same chemical changes (solutions to the problem, solutions that exist for each and every individual, as you say) can be accomplished through taking action to embrace your passions and develop your sense of self-worth.



Lastly, while I personally greatly value logic and introspection, and try to understand and even analyze myself as much as possible (go “meta” on myself), I’m not so sure everyone else has the time/willingness/ability to do that.

I believe that sometimes it’s not so important to be able to articulate exactly how you are changing, and that you can act your way into new ways of thinking in enormously healthy ways without even being completely aware of or articulate about what exactly that new way of thinking is. I believe that it’s more important to change and overcome your difficulties than it is to be able to logically explain the process of how you’ve done so, though a thorough logical understanding certainly would help in future similar (and not-so-similar) situations.

In short, I’d say that a thorough logical understanding of oneself is just icing on the cake.

So there it is. Thank you so much for your replies, Justin and Avid Reader. I can hardly believe I have such legit people reading my blog, and look forward to hearing more from you!

-David

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Update - Unreasonable Institute decision

Hey all,

Just found out we didn't make it to the next round for Unreasonable.

This is sort of a huge hit, but I'm moving forward w/our venture anyway - not sure about the rest of my team.

I want to thank everyone who petitioned for me - it really means everything to me. Some of you actually let me read the letters you wrote, and you should know that getting to hear such kind words from close friends means infinitely more to me than getting into any Institute could ever mean (and I'm not gonna lie, I wanted Unreasonable pretty bad).

Alright, gotta run for an interview now, but check back in for more updates.

-David

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On Art – Intro (The Met in NYC)

Yesterday I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC (shoutout to the Bergmans in Jersey for taking me along).

I’d never been to the Met before, and I guess I’d never really been to any art museums other than any ones they might have taken us to throughout the K-12 school years (don’t remember), and I definitely didn’t appreciate that kind of stuff back then.

You need some life experience before you can “get” art, I think. Sort of like how you need to have some base level of fitness before you can “get” weight lifting. (and even then the sheer ridiculousness of jerking around hunks of metal is pretty incomprehensible to me sometimes)

It’d be pretty absurd for me to try to tell you all the thoughts that raced through my mind as my senses were bombarded by the Met.  To keep it simple: it was a hell of an experience.

ART + PEOPLE (NYC melting pot) + BUILDING (gorgeous) = INSPIRE

I’m not sure I can properly describe to you how much I learned about art, and about life.

If you were to ask me an open-ended question like “What do you know about African art?” or something technical like “Which Impressionist painters enjoyed using broad rectangular brush strokes and heavily contrasting colors in creating the reflection off the surface of a body of water?” I’d probably be inclined to tell you to shut it.

Because that’s not what art is about, at it’s heart.

At the Met, they have guided tours at scheduled intervals during the day. Normally I’d skip this kind of thing, but we figured it wouldn’t be that long and that we’d be able to pick up a few insights if we checked it out.

It absolutely was worth it.

The tour-guide was upper-middle-aged, squat and stocky, and dressed impeccably in blue blazer, face framed in very round glasses. He looked sharp. And his pitch was sharpened to perfection. (30 years of experience can do that)

I’d never witnessed such outstanding salesmanship. He was in-your-face salesy, but he sold genuinely valuable content. I’m not sure everybody appreciated his mastery as much as I did, but I fully recognized that he was just as much a part of the museum as any of the actual art was.

To get back on track, though.

The real reason I liked him so much was because of the way he defined art – he said that art isn’t just passive observation – it’s active recreation.

At each exhibit, he’d brief us on the art at hand, but more importantly he’d find a way to remind us that we (the museum goers) were just as important a part of the museum as the art itself.

He elevated us to the level of the artist.



And he was absolutely right. The finest art in the world is worthless if it doesn’t have a “receiving consciousness.”

Art is the interplay between art and audience.



It’s what happens to you when you see it. It’s your reaction to it.

That’s what art is all about, whether it be painting, photography, poetry, music, theatre, or literature.

Or the less deliberate, more “unspectacular” art of everyday life.

That’s what art is all about. And that’s what life is all about.

There’s a lot of stuff going on in this world right now. Mindblowingly smart people are creating mindblowingly complex gadgets that can do mindblowingly ridiculous things. Business tycoons are commanding our economies with pixels sent out on their BlackBerry’s. Leaders of countries are making monumental decisions with immortal (and mortal) consequences.

And so on.

All this stuff only matters at all because of the way we respond to it, because of the way our consciences receive it – the collective conscience of humanity.

The fact that I can look at a painting created by a random person in a random place at a random time (random from my perspective) and react to it and sometimes resonate with it – that’s beautiful.

It shows that genius is universal.

And it celebrates the individual. Every individual, not just the talented individual.

This serves as a strong call to reduce inequality in this world. In the most basic of senses, we really all are equal. If you don’t trust me on this, try the business mind angle:

“Whether through democracy, strong public education, quality health care, or broad economic opportunity—reducing inequality is the highest human achievement.”

-Bill Gates, rich guy

That’s right, all human achievements – art, science, business, what have you – can serve no higher purpose than to reduce inequality.

Now try the theatre mind:

“The primary function of theater is to uplift humanity.”

-Philosophy of the Stella Adler Studio of Acting in NYC

Uplifting humanity starts with uplifting yourself.



Recognize that you have enormous potential as a human being, and that you can and should and even must unleash this potential upon the world.

Recognize that in the process of lifting yourself up, you are free to (and encouraged to, by me at at least) break rules in the name of expressing yourself.

“You are remembered for the rules you break.”

-Douglas MacArthur, American general who commanded the Southwest Pacific Theatre in WWII

Do you see how much you can get out of a single visit to an art museum?

As I walked around, trying not to lose myself amidst the sensory overload, the dots started to connect for me.  One dot that stood out was a bumper sticker I once saw on a crummy white sedan:

Art saves lives.



-David

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On Our Social Venture – Our idea

BASICALLY



We’re going to create a program that will make people addicted to doing things they can be proud of.

THIS WILL



Help people build an emotional resume that people can draw strength from in times of difficulty.

We hope a fundamental realization will hit them – you have enormous potential.

And through hard work, persistence, and the opportunities to pursue your passions in an environment that encourages constructive failure and embraces imperfection, you can unleash that potential.

HOW IT WILL WORK



Each participant will work with a mentor to design a “program” based on his/her interests and passions. Starting from simple concrete active baby steps, and eventually moving towards the miraculous, participants will develop real skills and gradually build a sense of self-worth by actively engaging in their passions.

WE WILL PROVIDE



The Opportunities: We’ll show you what’s out there. We’ll help you (re)discover your passions and help you design your “program” around those passions.

The Connections: We’ll bring in the talented cool people who will teach you what you want to know and help you do what you want to do.

The Community: We’ll give you the environment you need to succeed. We’ll push you to achieve, and encourage you to fail and learn from that failure (and each others’ failures) in the process. We won’t claim to have all the answers. We won’t do dogma.

FOR EXAMPLE



All your life, you (and three of your fellow participants), have wanted to try playwriting.

For whatever reason, you never got around to trying it. Maybe you didn’t feel you had the time. Maybe you didn’t have the money. Maybe you didn’t have the sand to ante up – you were intimidated and afraid to fail. Who knows.

Now we give you your shot. (And it’s just one among many – if you find you don’t like it, you can try something else, or try multiple things concurrently)

We bring in a local playwright (someone legit), and they work with you. You start simple – just a character sketch. Then you write your first line. Then you move on and write a scene – just one scene. Then you write another…and another…and another. And then you rewrite each scene over and over until it fits your standards (your new standards after you’ve worked with the playwright). Etc.

Until you realize you’ve finished your first short play.

Then you get together with your fellow participants – those who have the shared interest in playwriting – and together you write another short play, using what you’ve learned. Again, the playwright(s) guides you.

At a certain point, you guys find you’ve written a cool play. It’s not necessarily brilliant (maybe it is), but it’s not half bad either. Hell, it’s pretty damn decent, if you do say so yourself.

Then we bring in a group of local actors (legit people). They perform a show for you – maybe their own play. And then they perform your play. For you.

You could not be more thrilled to see this happen. You could not be more proud. You never in your life imagined you were capable of this. No one ever knew. You never knew.

But now you do.

And there’s no turning back.

***

Do you see where I’m going with this? The possibilities are endless. As exciting as they are to me, I won’t risk boring you with them.

I firmly believe that if you do enough things outside of your comfort zone – things you are passionate about, but perhaps never got to try – and you persist (w/guidance) through the stages where you inevitably will suck a little, eventually you will succeed a little at some of them. That fuels your confidence more and more, until you realize the immense potential that exists w/in you. In the right environment, this blossoming sense of self-worth can propel you to accomplish miraculous things, whether miraculous on a personal scale, or on society’s scale.

It’s a long gradual process, but it’s real.

Yes, we have kinks to work out. There’s a hell of a lot of stuff we have to work out.

Yes, we are young, and inexperienced, and lack “credibility.”

Yes, the stakes are high. Potentially life or death.

Will we move forward with our venture?

Absolutely.

I believe our venture will revolutionize the way depression is treated. If it doesn’t, oh well. We’ll learn so much from having tried it. And we’ll try something else, using what we’ve learned.

While I am rather fervently against therapy and medication as long-term solutions to depression, I recognize that they are useful to some people. In fact, my team often berates me for being so aggressive in my critiques of traditional interventions.

Let me make it clear once and for all – if therapy and medication work for you, stick with it. And to all the psychiatrists and psychotherapists who also are sympathetic human beings, and who devote themselves to helping their patients -  I have the utmost respect for you.

But there is no reason whatsoever not to have another option available.

Fundamentally, that is what we are – just another option.

You should know: This iteration of our idea is only ten or so days old. I only met my team 2 months ago. We’ve only been brainstorming for that long. We have so much to learn.

We would love nothing more than to hear your feedback. Be as harsh as you will, or as generous as you will. Above all, be genuine – that will be most useful of all.

You should also know:

If you’re gonna hate on me w/o providing constructive criticism…

Well, I listen to Chamillionaire (car radio) and very much identify:

"I admit it, I'm really 'bout to show you how I do

If you know that you a hater, this dedicated to you

You hatin' my last move, I'm way on my next move

See they hate to see you be successful"

-Chamillionaire in "Good Morning"

So there it is - our gift to the world. It's pretty simple, really, but elegant in its simplicity, I think.

Let us know what you think! And I wish you all the best for the coming new year!

-David

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On Our Social Venture – Core beliefs

Before I tell you our idea, I’d like to get down a few fundamental beliefs I hold in the arena of depression/depression treatment.

And just to be clear: Although every member of my team (Dan, Hari, Colin, myself) played a crucial role in creatively synthesizing our idea (I didn’t even come up with the core of our idea – Dan did), and although lines fuse and blur when it comes to who came up w/what (we’ve talked over so much and I’ve read so much there’s no way I can hold all the sources in my head), the views I put down here are mine alone to be responsible for – only I can be held accountable for them. In general, this goes for anything on this blog, of course.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m giving all due credit to my team and to anyone else who may have influenced me, but if you have a problem with anything on this blog, you have a problem with me. Don’t judge my team by my writing.

CORE BELIEFS (in no particular order)

1 Depression should only be thought of as an illness if it helps you to think about it that way. Given that depression operates on a spectrum, and that nearly everybody has experienced aspects of it at one point or another, things are already very imprecise.

Do NOT let a doctor’s (or your own) diagnosis trap you in a box. Do NOT rely on and cling to an identity as a “depressed person” unless it helps you to frame it as a struggle where you will ultimately win.

2 The human spirit is stronger than you know, stronger than any medical expert knows, stronger than anyone ever to have existed knew, and stronger than anyone who ever will exist will ever know.

You can (sometimes) thwart death through sheer will. There are medical annals that attest to this.

3 The medical industry and all medical/health professionals serve as means to an end, not as ends themselves. The same goes for medical (and all types of) credentials. Credentials are only useful in terms of the experience it took to acquire them.

I said experience – not time, not running through administrative hoops, not going through motions.

If the time it took to get your credentials proved useless, or you failed to learn from your experiences, or the world changed such that what you did learn became obsolete (this happens), then those credentials become entirely useless.

Even (and especially) the established professionals should hear out new ideas. After they hear them out, they’re free to dismiss them. I hold myself to this exact same standard. It may sound harsh, but we cannot afford stale egos amidst the crisis of now.

4 There should be a separation between person and idea. When I critique people, I try to focus on the merits/flaws of their ideas, or at least of their actions and how those actions represent them. I try not to attack them personally or make assumptions about them. Please do the same for me.

5 Root causes of depression (and the inability to defeat depression) must be addressed, not symptoms. I believe root causes include, but are not limited to:

-Lack of opportunity to express one’s unique self – to develop one’s innate genius (see my earlier post “In Defense of Individuality”)

-Stigma (more on this later)

-Lack of a sense of self-worth

-Hopelessness/sense of futility

-Perfectionism

-Fear of failure (goes along w/perfectionism)

-Inability to find and connect with “your kind of people,” whether because of physical/geographic barriers or mental/psychic barriers. “Your kind of people” meaning people who are passionate about similar things, who support you, who challenge you, etc. Think Robin Williams’ definition of “soulmate” in the movie Good Will Hunting: Someone who challenges you.

Etc.

6 The idea that chemical-imbalance-correcting miracle drugs or passive therapy will provide a long-term antidote to depression is pure horseshit. It mocks human agency.

And this is true even for the best psychotherapists and psychiatrists. Yes, talking and learning about yourself can be life-changing, and talking to wise intelligent people can provide eureka moments of clairvoyance for us (so the old saying goes, “10 minutes w/a wise man is worth 10 years of books"), and medication may help some people to some degree, but at a certain point you need to take action to change your life.

7 People have a fundamental desire to embrace their passions (Hari’s words, shared idea).

8 There is a disastrous stigma associated with traditional interventions, especially for young people (or at least some of them…or at least me). I know there is a distinction b/w stigmas w/identifying yourself as depressed, and stigmas w/seeking help – I’m going to focus on the second one here. So, aspects of this stigma/things that contribute to this stigma include, but are not limited to:

-I personally have felt condescended against by many psychotherapists and psychiatrists (and even by MD's who generally have very little training on the matter yet had the nerve to impose "help" on me in a definitive tone of voice), and in general I believe intellectual snobbery is a huge barrier to treatment.

-Many medical professionals seem to believe they have the solution to depression sitting right in their minds, extrapolated from piles and piles of textbooks and years and years of study and observation. Bad news for you guys: you’re wrong. We’re humans, not math riddles. There’s no one solution (nor one set of solutions, nor combination of pills/exercise/talking) for all people – there’s no panacea.

-When I go to a therapist, there’s just this horrible stuffy and lame and passive feel to the whole thing. I just get the wrong vibe.

-I don’t particularly like carrying around therapists' cards and appointment reminders in my wallet.

-If you’re going to set aside time during your day to fight depression, why not spend it doing something you like, rather than sitting in a therapist’s office? Yes, it’s still hard work, but you can focus your efforts where you want them to be, rather than where someone else tells you they should be.

Etc.

9 Traditional interventions were designed top-down. For example (and I know this is an extreme and outdated one), professionals used to diagnose people with mental health illnesses based on how they responded to medication…what a strange reversal…

Why not have college students design solutions for college problems?

Alright, that’s enough for now. I’m sort of hesitant to put down core beliefs as I’ve done here, because it seems to imply that they're the only core beliefs I have, and that they’re unchangeable – NOT the case.

Still, that should give you a primer and some understanding of where we’re coming from when we talk about our solution.

Read the next post for the (current version of the) idea itself.

-David

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On Forgiveness – Intro (Having the courage to forgive yourself)

At one point or another in our lives, most of us have either hated or disliked ourselves, at least to some degree.

The basis for said self-hatred could be something as trivial as a scar on a knee, or something as momentous as your own race, or perhaps something less tangible, like a regretted decision. But unless you were inexcusably well-adjusted, and managed to stay so even through the horror of puberty, you didn’t always like yourself.

There’s something mean, something severe, something downright bully about the human psyche that zeroes in on imperfections.

I’d hazard it’s likely that in my life, I’ve hated myself to an extent that most of you have never even hated anyone else, or any other thing. As often is the case, much of this self-hatred was unjustified and had more to do with my youth and immaturity than anything else.

But there are some major decisions I’ve made that I still regret today.

Learning to forgive yourself is crucial to moving forward with your life.

Part of earning forgiveness is taking action to right your wrongs. This may involve crisis management for an explosive situation, or sucking it up and apologizing when you know you were wrong.

But at a certain point, it becomes entirely internal – it’s all about you. Only you can decide when the time’s come to let go and move on.

My advice to you – if you’re not sure if it’s okay yet to forgive yourself, just go ahead and do it. Life’s too short for such internal squabbles. There’s already so much to deal with on the outside, you can’t afford to rage at yourself on the interior.

Trust Jay-Z on this one:

This is the number one rule for your set

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

-Jay-Z in his song “Regrets” on his album “Reasonable Doubt”

I’d like to share with you today a trick I use to strengthen the courage I have to forgive myself. Make no mistake – it takes great courage to forgive yourself for your wrongs, each and every day. But it gets easier with time. Here goes:

I end all of my showers cold. Freezing cold, as cold as the water will get. Once I’m done with the hot part of the shower, I don’t allow myself any hesitation in turning the shower faucet all the way cold. This takes time to be able to do (at least it did for me), and you never really completely lose that desire to stay warm. But it strengthens your will.

I work my way up starting from my feet. Rubbing in the cold water after it hits my body (and I hear this is good for your circulation and your immune system, especially after the rapid switch from hot to cold), I move up to my legs, then back, then chest, then arms. I remind myself to keep breathing and stay loose, because your body’s initial reaction from the initial cool will be to tense up and suspend breathing.

Once I’m done with my body, I finish with my head. I let the freezing cold water rain down on me, eyes closed at first. (If you read my earlier post on faith, now’s not a bad time for some gratitude)

Then, when I’m ready, I open my eyes.

Cold water still rains down on head and face – it takes a little suspension of instinct to do this, because you want to protect your eyes from the water. While this happens, I forgive myself.

I don’t always think of specifics. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. But I forgive myself.

Forgiveness is a feeling. For me, it’s feeling alive.

If I’ve done it all right, I feel completely alive. Ready to craft the day with my own hands and mind and heart and will.

I’ve washed away my regrets, knowing that I haven’t avoided them but confronted them.

And I’ve forgiven myself.



-David

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On Faith – Intro (Justifying my “weakness”)

Let me freestyle a little today about the quality they call Faith.

The nitpickers and anal people associate it with details and exclusive truths. Let’s sidestep that whole mess for a moment and cut through to the core – the real Truth, if indeed there is any at all.

I believe Faith is personal. It’s direct. There’s no bullshit, no intermediaries, no barriers. It’s about you and how you deal with shit.

Here’s Huston Smith:

“Religion is the call to confront reality; to master the self.”



If you run more with the hip hop crowd, try Talib Kweli:

People let me paint a picture

You know I ain't a christian

I ain't a muslim, ain't a jew

I'm losing my religion

I speak to god directly

I know my god respect me

Cause he let me breathe his air and he really blessed me

-Talib in “Around My Way” from his album “The Beautiful Struggle”

I’m going to be up front. Because of certain events in my life – personal events, which I won’t share here – I believe in God.

I’m young, and I’ve only just begun to grapple with this question. I’m not entirely sure I know what it means to believe in God, even what it means for myself. But I do.

I believe in God.

Now, this does not mean I would voluntarily spend time in church, or that I’ll take the time to educate myself about historical interpretations of God, religion, etc. I don’t know anything about the Bible (though I hear it’s a good story), and I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to the subtle (and even the big distinguishing) differences between the major religions of today.

I still curse. I still drink (in moderation). I still have impure thoughts. And occasionally I slack off morally, though only on the micro-scale, of course.

These things are all part of being human. Humans are imperfect.

Past-president Jimmy Carter on human imperfection (from an interview w/Playboy magazine):

"I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do--and I have done it--and God forgives me for it."



There is, I think, an entirely simplistic view of religion/spirituality that claims that believing in God entails being perfect, being morally pure, and being righteously against anyone who tries to dilute that.

That’s a lot of absolutes, and not a whole lot of room for absolution. The Calvinists, with their fire and brimstone, and their human depravity and doomsday gloom – well, they seem pretty dumb in hindsight. (sorry if I got their views wrong, it’s been a while)

There’s also an equally simplistic view that believing in God entails being dumb. That it implies weakness. I have several aspiring-scientist friends (and other friends) who hold this view, and who sometimes enjoy verbally kicking other people for their faiths. Also, Bertrand Russell’s essay “Why I Am Not a Christian” does a good job of using cold logic to disprove God.

To be fair, a lot of people who believe in God seem to do so in a thoughtless brainwashed way. Many also believe inconsistently – they are fair-weather/foul-weather believers, and remember their faith at selective times only (for example when asking for help during a difficult time).

But what I do know is that a lot of legit people have believed in God and made active use of their faith to do extraordinary things. Take Ben Carson, for example, Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital, and the lead surgeon of a team that in 1987 separated a pair of seven-month-old German conjoined twins who were joined at the head – the first such separation where both twins survived. He used his belief in God to turn around a troubled youth (to put it tritely), and he sees God in science.

Ultimately, I guess I care only superficially how other people use their faiths.

Most of all, I care about me.

I know that I use my faith to stay me through troubled times, and to ground me and keep me humble when I manage to succeed.

I don’t ask for help and expect it to fall from the sky. My faith doesn’t put constraints on my ability to think and reason. And it doesn’t impede me from making full use of my own self-agency.

How do I practice my faith? And let me be clear – faith is active, not passive. You won’t get something for nothing. (And paying church fees isn’t worth anything in itself)

I “practice” my faith by expressing gratitude every single day.

In the shower, in my car, on a run – these are all times when I remember how grateful I am for what I have. It really doesn’t take much. Just a quick thank you in my head.

What have I gotten in return?

In a life that has proved highly uncertain so far, and where I can’t often count on much (whether people or situation), I turn to my faith as something that is constant. I draw strength from my faith, and from the knowledge that no one can take it away from me.

How could this possibly be weakness?

I believe that people everywhere going through difficult times - and life is hard, make no mistake about it - people everywhere should be able to draw strength from Faith. And they should do so without worry of being labeled "weak" for having a "crutch."

So there it is. If I had to sum it up now, as I understand it at 20, I’d say that Faith is simply gratitude. That’s what it is most. Being grateful and realizing that you have a chance to do something incredible with your life.

And drawing strength from that awareness.

I hope I haven’t turned off those hard-core atheists out there reading my blog.

I hope you’ll see that I’ve (I think) logically justified something that completely throws logic out the window.

I hope you’ll stay reading as I learn more and live more, and as I explore this explosively controversial thing called Faith.

-David

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On Joy – Using creativity to find it in obligations

I believe creativity is one of the most undertapped resources of humanity. More creative genius could and should be applied to all aspects of life, from solving the most pressing global challenges of today to making the humdrum grind of life more tolerable, and even enjoyable.

Depression is crisis. Just as there are myriad factors that precipitate any crisis, there will be myriad factors involved in negotiating the hazards of crisis and coming out of it, and coming out stronger for it.

I believe finding joy in the little things is one part of mitigating the crisis of depression.

And I believe using creativity is the best way to do this.

Let me give you an example.

Yesterday morning I drove five hours from Waltham to Jersey to visit my family for two days. The past few days, I’d gotten very little sleep, and the night before I’d even fallen asleep behind the wheel. There’s nothing quite so jolting as taking the ramp for exit 24 off of I-95 and discovering that your car, independent of your own conscious will, has drifted towards the edge of the road and ramped up the raised barrier on the ground. You hear the emphatic frictive force of rubber gripping concrete, slam the brakes, and correct the wheel. Then you make sure to stay the hell awake. Shit.

The point is, I was exhausted when I arrived. But the first thing I did when I arrived was to pick my brother William up from school and take him to Toys R Us (he’s six).

I suppose it wouldn’t be entirely accurate to frame this task as an obligation. After all, I do derive some pleasure from spending time with my brother, mainly because I can already tell he’s smart and creative and cool, and he has the joie de vivre – he’s a good one.

Still, the toy store isn’t exactly where I want to be when I’m severely sleep deprived and in general have very little tolerance for shopping. I hate the fact that toy stores offer you such a wonderful visually stimulating experience, but all for the sake of transferring money from your pocket to theirs. How tainting.

Anyway, my brother is running around the aisles with no regard for anyone, mind occupied with the fantasy of owning every single toy in the damn store. (he actually told me this)

We all know how delightful it is to be at that stage in the decision making process where you have all the delectable options lain right before you, but still don’t feel the pressure to make an actual decision.

Well, I was starting to get pretty annoyed as my brother ran around, entertaining one option after the next, then dismissing each option in turn to pursue the greener pasture. Pokemon cards. No wait, Bakugan. Oh, oh, how about Atlantis legos.

I made it clear to him how I thought all of those toys were pretty dumb, to which he responded with a classic:

"No, you’re dumb!"

Well, patience wearing thin, I wracked my brain for ways I could get Will to hurry up for reasons that would benefit him. How could I incentivize expediency?

And then creative inspiration struck.

I’d pull the old teacher trick: counting down. Except I’d do it in a wonderfully cheerful tone of voice.

“Will, if you don’t make a choice in 60 seconds, I’m not getting you anything.”

Let the countdown begin. 60, 59, 58, 57…

I watched with glee as I saw sheer terror strike my brother’s face. But because I counted down in a delightful voice, it became more of a game than a mandate. I practically sang the numbers, imparting upon them a playful sense of urgency.

Well, to make a longer story short, I watched his mind work 10X original processing speed, and he finally settled on the Pokemon cards with a few seconds left on the clock.

It was hella entertaining.

Moral of the story: use creativity to find joy in the stuff you have to do.

-David

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Update - Unreasonable Institute app madness over

Alright, we finally turned it in, after several frenzied marathon all-nighters...

Which means I can finally start getting up more entries! Barring objections from my team, I will soon post the idea for our venture, so be on the lookout for that too!

-David

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Reader Responses - On Justin's comments

For those of you who haven’t read Justin’s response to my post on Patch Adams, please go do so now. I feel privileged to have such a great mind reading my blog, and the insight he packs into his response will be well worth your time.

Though his comments are not long, I will summarize them here for reference (and hopefully I will do them justice):

1 While revolutionary ideas often run counter to established professional opinion and come packaged with an “exclamation point,” they are also (and more importantly) justified on logical grounds.

My response to contrary professional opinion was immature, and I missed the biggest point of all – I failed to turn criticism into useful constructive criticism. Instead, I dismissed her and missed out on an opportunity to improve my idea.

2 I should take more care to understand where professional opinion comes from. “Not many professionals can stomach the idea that those who have not studied their field for as long as they have will have better insight than they do.” I am quite unqualified. Furthermore, I should recognize that professionals are extremely busy, and they may be too occupied with other things to “have the patience to entertain every radical idea that comes [their] way.”

3 I have not given readers any way to judge the situation – there lacks content, and no one even knows what my team’s idea actually is.

4 While strong assertions aren’t inherently bad, they have consequences for people. I borderline name-called, without much justification, and this was hypocritically reactionary. I should have been more considerate.

Here is my response to Justin’s comments:

1 I completely agree that substance trumps marketing for a venture like this. Although getting people to participate in our idea is very important (and here the revolutionary factor comes into play), no amount of participation will do anyone any good if the idea itself is weak. I certainly have not provided (on this blog) any hint of what my idea is, and therefore have not justified it on logical grounds. Hopefully I will do this soon – we turn in our application by December 15^th, and as long as no one on my team objects, we likely will post our idea on this blog. I firmly believe that while it is inspired, it is also grounded heavily in logic. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s not mainstream already. Perhaps I am ignorant and am not aware that it has been tried and has failed. If that were the case, I would immediately think it to have been a failure in implementation. I truly believe that our idea, while radical compared to traditional interventions, is first and foremost a good idea. Intuitively and logically.



I agree, my post makes me sound like I failed to make use of her criticisms to improve my idea. Unfortunately, our conversation was so short (and over the phone), I really did not have much to work with. I would have loved to try to prod and pry more – both at her ideas and at my own (using her ideas). She truly did not offer much substantive criticism on the spot beyond what I have written on my blog. I actually took notes. Here is what she offered:

-I need to beware of the differences in types of stigma

-I should study the help-seeking process

-I should in general learn the science more

-In a brief discussion of the “HalfofUs campaign,” she warned that I shouldn’t “normalize being depressed,” which she believes is what the HalfofUs campaign (halfofus.com) does.

-What is most important is to “normalize getting help” – I agree with this completely, but I do not see how it is different from “overcoming the stigma.” When people use the phrase “overcome stigma,” they generally refer to the stigma to accept that one has a problem and then seek help for that problem. I think this is just a matter of semantics.

I am confident I would have made constructive use of her criticism if it had been at all possible. This is a personal philosophy I live by – I think it’s intuitively obvious that making good use of criticism is essential to learning. And there really was not enough substance for me to do this. She offered to send me some links to resources, but in the end she did not.

2 You are absolutely right. The fact is, she was incredibly kind to take time out of her busy schedule to speak with me in the first place. I feel so fortunate that there are people out there who are willing to help a random (uncredentialed) stranger like myself. And it is entirely possible I caught her at a bad moment (although we did schedule the conversation a week ahead of time).

3 You’re right. Perhaps I should not have written this post before posting my idea. It really is unfair for the readers, and I am sorry about that. I did want to post the bit about Patch Adams while it was fresh in my memory though. That was sort of time-sensitive.

4 You’re entirely right. I was completely out of line here. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself for disguising my anger with clever words. Words are powerful tools, and I’m sorry to have used them for crooked purposes. There is no justification for what I’ve done, except to say that I won’t let it happen again. And you’re right, I should listen to what everyone has to say (I’ve already addressed this a little – I really don’t think she offered much substance in our conversation, though I don’t mean this in an uppity way, and am simply doing my best to be objective). And there certainly are some fantastic psychiatrists/psychotherapists out there, who have helped many many people, and saved many many lives. I formally apologize to all of them.

So there it is.

Justin – I can’t properly express how much I appreciate your response. As I already mentioned in my immediate reply to your post, you have not only added great value to my blog, but have helped me develop as a person. I am incredibly grateful to you for this, and hope that I can return the favor someday.

I sincerely hope everybody learned as much as I did from this whole situation.

-David

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Events – Patch Adams, M.D.

Tuesday evening, Patch Adams came to Brandeis.

Patch Adams MD, that is. Not Robin Williams. For those of you who don’t know who Mr. Adams is, here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patch_Adams. Among the interesting tidbits about him is that he is a descendant of our second and sixth presidents, John and John Quincy Adams.

The first thing you notice about Patch when he walks in (I feel like if your name is Patch Adams, you can’t really properly be called anything but Patch) is his attire.

A potpourri of colors jumps from his clothing, the actual articles themselves of unusual varieties as well. The two things that struck me most were the frayed rainbow epaulets, and then his Donald Duck tie – Donald jumping and screaming for joy at the base of the swirly-color-fusion tie.

But then Patch starts to speak, and you can tell it's not just his clothing that distinguishes him. No, it his thought that distinguishes him, a much more potent form of distinction than mere artificial skin.

***

HE FIRST SPOKE of the hospital he started over 30 years ago – the Patch Adams Free Hospital in Pocahontus County, West Virginia (one of the, if not the, poorest states in the US). It’s certainly a very distinctive hospital, for many reasons. Among them:

- It’s free. And they don’t deal w/insurance companies.

-They don’t carry malpractice insurance. And yet they’ve never been sued.

-It’s the only silly hospital in the world. (“Because there’s never been any proof ever that seriousness does anyone any good. That seriousness has any value in any situation whatsoever.”)

Patch spoke extensively about his vision for the hospital, and how it evolved. As a bright young med student, he had major qualms w/the state of medical education. To quote: “90% of my medical school professors were white arrogant pricks.”

He spoke of how medical education didn’t teach jack about humanity and empathy, but that his “mom taught him how to be with a human,” and that if one simply projected a countenance of empathy and understanding, all the necessary questions could be answered, medical protocol tossed aside.

Some of his statements and hospital procedures (“barf-along-with-bulimics” and chaining depressed people to his wrist and forcing them along a joy walk) were quite radical, but I agreed wholeheartedly with the spirit of his discourse.

Among the catchphrases I liked:

-We need to foster fabulous living

-All you need is food and a friend – if you’ve got that, what are you bitching about?

But then Patch started to speak in depth about his experiences with issues of mental health, and specifically with depression, and my interests perked up even more than they already were perked.

Patch believes that depression should never be thought of as an illness. Furthermore, he thinks that mental health is something that can and needs to be constructed. That is, there are components of mental health that you can actively build.

Among the components/building blocks he rattled off:

-Joy

-Passion

-Curiosity

-Love

-Devoting some part of your life in service to others

Now, I’d been itching to speak up for quite some time. There were too many parallels between his story and his views and my own story and views that I just had to raise my hand.

And that’s when he opened up the floor for questions.

In situations like this one, there are always a few brave (and prepared) souls who take one for the team and break the verbal ice. I admit, on this particular occasion I didn’t do it, mainly because I had so much to say I didn’t even know where to start.

But after a few quick ones (though Patch answers all questions in great depth – once he starts he just keeps going, linking one thought to another), I found a natural lull in the group dialogue.

So I popped in there.

I guess it was sort of a selfish question. But I do think it – both my spiel and Patch’s reply – was educational for everyone involved, or at least those who were listening and didn’t zone out the rando (me) in the front row.

Essentially, I introduced myself, then said, “Can you hear out my proposal for a social venture that will revolutionize the way college depression is treated?”



(Oh boy, now I have to do public speaking. SO not my forte.)

Now, in terms of my venture and my team, sometimes I don’t really know what I have to offer. I don’t have the technical skills (shoutout to Colin and Hari), the business skills and knowledge, (Dan and Hari, and also Colin), or even the network of helpful people that a college provides access to (again, everyone but me).

But I do think about the issues involved in our venture constantly, so that ideas are always swirling around in my head, ready to surface at any given moment. And that’s exactly what happened.

I started off slow, fumbling with attempts at concision, but then decided to just free up and put out what I had for the masses, jumping from one idea to the next, until by the end of my pitch I had conveyed at least the gist, if not the logistics, of our business idea.

For reasons of us being in relative stealth mode, I’m not going to fully publicize our idea right now. But it definitely incorporated many aspects of Patch’s philosophies.

Patch’s response was so incredibly encouraging.

Now, I’m not trying to be arrogant or almighty when I say that I think our approach to treating depression in college students (and hopefully eventually others) will be revolutionary.

I truly believe it.

And it’s not that we concocted a brilliant mastermind scheme. No, all of the elements of our solution already existed, if only as disjointed and scattered fragments.

But no one (wise) says you should reinvent the wheel every time you try to do something.

Screw that. We just threw some good things together.

But like with any other revolutionary idea, you’re going to get heat for it. In fact, if you don’t get heat for it, you might not be on to anything good. Here’s what Dan tells me Guy Kawasaki (Silicon Valley venture capitalist, among other things) has to say on how to test for a strong idea:

“If your idea is strong – it should engender either terror or indignation in the established professionals.”

I recently spoke with an established professional – someone who dedicated a large portion of her life to helping people overcome depression – about the idea for our social venture.

Now, don’t get me wrong – she seemed to be an exceedingly kind and well-meaning person. Furthermore, I have enormous respect for her, as I do for anyone who chooses to dedicate so much of their life to helping others overcome their difficulties.

But her response to my idea was almost entirely reactionary. Frankly, she didn’t even let me explain the bulk of my idea.

The moment I began to discuss the drawbacks to traditional interventions for depression – drugs and therapy – she jumped in with criticisms. There’s no need to rehash the specifics. It can be summed up to:

You don’t know anything about anything.

You’re too young. Too uneducated. Too entirely ignorant.

Not only was my idea garbage, but by the simple act of my (partially) conveying it to her, I managed to both “disturb” and “offend” her.

Now to be fair, I am a biased human being. I am the one who gets to represent the conversation on my blog. You’re reading my version of the events.

And, as I already mentioned, she seemed to be a kind person, and she did try to educate me a little about the various types of stigma, and about the importance of understanding the help-seeking process (she pointed me towards a paper by an eminent academic).

Personally, I think it’s not so good to get stuck on theory and definitions. But I certainly will read the material if she ever sends the links she promised to send (they’re a bit overdue). I’m a curious person, and I love to learn things, especially if they are at all relevant to something I am trying to accomplish.

But I must be honest. A part of me was raging on the inside.

Not the kind of primal rage you direct against someone or something. No, it was the kind of eternal rage that stays with you forever, smoldering deep within your being, but that on acute occasions gets brought to full flame.

I do not hesitate to express my belief that reactionary professionals and content VIPs are the cause for much suffering in the world.

People who get comfortable in positions of power often refuse to roll with the changes that are desperately needed to lift up the rest of the world. In fact, they often actively impede progress.

This is unacceptable.

Because they are the very ones who should strive the hardest to push for revolutionary change. Power is responsibility.

If the circumstances had been different, I might have lost it and said something I’d regret. I can be pretty volatile when I speak about things I’m passionate about, especially when someone is being egregiously small-minded.

But I’ve made real strides in controlling that liability. And we all know anger usually doesn’t do a damn thing to help a situation.

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. “

-Albert Einstein

So I kept my cool. I became more polite than I usually am in these situations.

Even as she insulted me. Even when she insinuated that I’ve never had any first-hand experience with depression. Even when she started providing unsolicited resume details. Which frankly is completely irrelevant to the task at hand.

("Now I have extensive experience with this matter, and in the past have been a therapist, and now work in public health, and I am a very successful person...").

I’m sorry, resumes are nice, but they don’t really mean squat when it comes to solving the important challenges of today.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m finding it hard to keep my cool now, just thinking about the discussion. That’s how much small-minded people bother me. So I’m going to do the healthy thing and move on. Back to Patch.

Patch encouraged me to “keep running social experiments.” He told me to run them on myself, to run them on others, and to write him about the results (he doesn’t do email, but returns every single letter sent to him).

I’m not sure how comfortable I am with the term “social experiment,” but he’s right.

Psychiatry is so young it’s practically bullshit, and it seems no one really knows what’s going on.

You should hear psychiatrists talk when they reach for the pad, whip out that pen, and start writing the scrip. Their voices often go all authoritative, as they rattle off dosages like they were reciting mathematical truths.

How can you lie to yourself like that? At best it’s an educated guess.

So admit it, and do your best to be a human and decipher what the patient really needs, in addition to following medical protocol.

Any truly effective large-scale solution will inevitably be a social experiment when it is first implemented.

I am fully aware that any steps I take to implement our solution will likely have enormous consequences – positive or negative. I do not take this responsibility lightly.

Still, I have so much faith and sheer belief in our idea that no amount of criticism from important people will stop me from trying it. At least not until they give me a real reason, after actually hearing the entire idea.

And don’t get me wrong – I don’t completely identify with Patch Adams just because he encouraged my efforts. I greatly admire the man for how he lives his life, but personally I think he might be more effective if he considered the financial side at least a little. Money is the oxygen that sustains the life of any venture. Or so I hear, at least (too inexperienced to tell).

As I write these words now, it strikes me that there will be those who will think me an arrogant prick for making such declarations as an untested neophyte.

These people don’t understand the process of learning and growing.

There is no need to fear making bold statements.

I believe you learn best by stepping outside your comfort zone and declaring your beliefs firmly, out in the open for all to see and hear. Then you let everybody attack you, and when you try to defend the idea that you have so boldly asserted, you learn real quick if it was as good as you thought it was. You adjust and move on with version 2.0 of your idea. REPEAT.

It’s the same as how standup comedians learn when they first get into the business. They get hollered at and chased off stages. And they get real funny, real fast, or they quit.

That’s how progress works. It’s not about tender egos and trifling shit. That’s for the small people.

I am willing and even eager to make all sorts of errors for the sake of my venture. For the sake of improving my idea so that it meshes with reality – not fantasy, nor tidy theory. For the sake of helping those who want to unleash their potential unleash it.

I recognize that in the process I will inevitably offend some important people, step on some pedicured toes. Oh well.

Here’s a quote I like on sacrificing your own “dignity” for a greater cause:

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

-George Bernard Shaw

I don’t care how much of a presumptive ass I appear to be as I learn and grow, or how much people attack me for it. Because I know that if I am wrong, I will change and move on. I will continue to make bold assertions and thereby apply positive pressure on myself to improve and reform.

And you know what?

One day I’ll stop sounding like an ass, and I’ll start sounding wise. Because I'll have made many many mistakes, and I'll have made them with reverence for their consequences.

Patch certainly saw this spirit of reflective experimentation in my venture. He definitely liked it.

His last words to me:

“What you are doing is a beautiful thing.”

Looks like my team and I aren't alone.

-David

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Update – It’s crunch time for the Unreasonable Institute

So just a heads up for all you relentlessly faithful readers (that’s right, I went there…I presumed):

For the next ten days I’m going to be pulling overtime working on my application to the Unreasonable Institute. I’m going to pummel the damn clock. (last night Dan and I did 9 straight hours until they kicked us out of the library, 6 of which were pure work)

Which means I’m sorry if I can’t put out as many quality blog entries as I would be able to otherwise. Don’t stop reading on me!

Now, I’ve been trying to decide whether it would compromise the quality of this blog if I used it as a platform to solicit favors. It’s sort of pathetic, but I’ve resolved that I want to get into Unreasonable so bad that I’m gonna go for it.

So with that in mind, here is a request for a favor I originally put on Facebook (if we're not friends, friend me! David Hu, University of Chicago, Rutgers):

HEY GUYS AND GIRLS,

First off, I just want to say thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I’m not trying to go all sentimental or anything, but it really means a lot to me.

And now, I have a HUGE favor to ask.

So I don’t know if any of you know about it, but there’s this thing called the Unreasonable Institute. Check it out, it’s a sweet opportunity for the word’s leading young social entrepreneurs (ages 20-30).

http://unreasonableinstitute.org/

What it is: A 10-week summer institute for 25 high-impact social entrepreneurs. Fellows get skill training and mentorship from baller entrepreneurs. At the end of the institute, they get connections to start-up capital and a global network of support.

Who they’re looking for: “We are looking for the world's most unreasonable, bold, and relentlessly determined young social entrepreneurs”

It costs $6500 to attend (which I certainly don’t have), but you can’t pay to attend, even if you wanted to. That’s how sick this thing is – real life investors invest in you (your personality + ideas), and they pay your tuition.

Now I have no business experience, nor a college degree, nor anything else tangible. However, I do have the motivations, the smarts, the persistence, the story, and the talent to make this thing, as many very smart people have told me. And I have some very promising ideas, though unfortunately I can’t reveal them now (we’re in stealth mode). You’re going to have to trust me when I say they’re good innovative ideas, and I may even put them on my blog after this whole application process is over. (In case it's not already clear from the blog, my Unreasonable Venture will help the motivated depressed college student overcome the debilitating adversity of depression)

However, due to my aforementioned youthful inexperience, I’m gonna need all the help I can get.

MY REQUEST

Can you all petition the Unreasonable Institute to accept me? They determine the 50 finalists, and after that it’s all open to the investor’s market, but I really really want to make the top 50.

You can either send an email to them (+1 cool point)

Or a personal letter (+5 cool points)

Or you can start a petition at your school, and get mad people to sign it, and send that. People will sign anything you shove in their face, for the most part (+ infinite cool points).

CONTACT INFO

wisdom@unreasonableinstitute.org

Unreasonable Institute

1305 College Ave, #150

Boulder, CO 80302

or just check the site for the contact info

http://www.unreasonableinstitute.org/get-in-touch/contact-us

Now I’m giving you guys a lot of advance warning time. The application is due 12/15, and they consider the applications for I think a month or so after that.

But ideally, I’d want you to submit these petitions (no matter the form) around the neighborhood of December 10th – December 15th. But really, you can submit them whenever the hell you want/remember to, and I'll be ECSTATIC.

So,

If you knew me in high school, or in college (whether Chicago or Rutgers), or just randomly in life, or if you like my blog, PLEASE CONSIDER DOING ME THIS HUGE FAVOR.

Tell them how I’m a sweet human being, how I’m weird and individualistic and socially awkward and like to play ultimate and bike. Tell them you dig my blog (I know you do, because you joined this group). Tell them any positive thing you can think about me.

Remember that in a year, I'll be homeless and unemployed and w/o a college degree or any sort of defined future.

So PLEASE DO ME THIS HUGE SOLID, AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU’RE GONNA DO IT TOO, BECAUSE IF IT’S ONLY A FEW OF YOU, THEN I'LL JUST LOOK LIKE A HUGE TOOL.

Thank you so much again for reading my blog, and for (possibly) doing this!

Love,

Dave

P.S. Shoutout to Arj and Sasha for already replying! Petition count so far: at least 91!

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On Joy – Intro

Happiness can be a tricky thing.

Do we pursue it intentionally, as if it were an end goal in itself? If so, do we pursue it relentlessly and unceasingly? Or do we allocate a certain portion of time or energy to pursue it?

Or do we pursue other things, and hope that happiness results organically?

And what does it really mean to be happy? What metric do we use to measure it?

In the absence of any clear consensus on the happiness question, and given that human preferences exist on the widest of spectrums, I’m going to sidestep trying to come up with any sort of definitive or comprehensive answer. (like I could even put a dent in that question, even if I tried…)

I will, however, offer you my own tips and tricks for finding moments of joy in everyday life.

Would it be fair to call joy a micromoment of happiness? I guess when I think happiness, I think long-term contentment, and when I think joy, I think here and now.

Anyway, with this in mind, I’ve decided to start an ongoing series of posts on Joy, of which this is the introductory post. Check back in soon for more!

-David

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On This Blog - Shorter entries

So it’s come to my attention that my blog entries are rather mammoth in size, which in our attention-deficited age means turn-off.



With that in mind, I will try to shorten my posts, or at least mix it up between longer and shorter posts.

It’s hard because I’m a rather long-winded (though hopefully still lucid) thinker, and that translates directly on paper (screen)...

-David

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On Entrepreneurship - Its health benefits

One of my main interests outside of solving the problem of depression is entrepreneurship. I think it is one of the greatest vehicles for positive change, and that more people – particularly whip-smart college grads who go off to consulting firms and investment banks instead – should get involved in it.

I once sat in on a keynote speech by Leonard Schlesinger, President of Babson College (#1 school for entrepreneurship in the world, obscurely located in Babson Park, MA).

During the keynote, he offered his views on “entrepreneurship,” and afterwards he spoke a little more specifically about his vision for the future of his school – basically he plugged Babson.

Among the key points of his keynote:

1 Contrary to conventional wisdom, we absolutely do understand how entrepreneurs think, and in fact the way they think can be taught (as theory) in 6 hours

2 We are all entrepreneurs – it’s just a matter of whether or not we let it surface for ourselves

3 Entrepreneurship is the most important tool in the world for economic growth.



Mr. Schlesinger went on to address the scientific method, and I think in general we entrepreneurs may get the impression that scientists can sometimes be rather skeptical of what we claim to be.

Recently, to make some easy cash, I did one of those psych studies they run on students, and when they asked me what my dream job would be, I responded with, “I want to be an entrepreneur.” Which frankly sounds horribly vague. What does that even mean?

But to return to the story.

Mr. Schlesinger spoke about how he admired and recognized the utility of the scientific method, but added this caveat:

The higher the uncertainty, the more quickly you reach the limits of the scientific method…and then you are only left with YOU.



I think it’s interesting to think about the way people learn. On the one hand, we are deductive creatures of logic. (for those of you who, like me, get deductive and inductive mixed up sometimes, deductive reasoning is the one where you infer specific principles from general principles)

And I think that’s largely how the scientific approach to doing things works. It’s heavily logical, and you apply broad established methods to tackle specific problems.

(I have no experience being a scientist, this is just based on my rather shabby experience in high school, and I’m really just an ignorant little punk with a little bit of intuition…so please, no heat from the scientists if I've gotten this wrong, I have the utmost respect for you guys)

On the other hand, inductive reasoning starts from specifics and moves to general conclusions based on those specifics.

Which I think is what Mr. Schlesinger was talking about when he said, and then you are only left with YOU.



It’s what Emerson was talking about when he said that genius is recognizing that what is true for you is true for all (see my earlier post, “In Defense of Individuality”).

It’s extrapolating from personal experience, and thinking, “Hmmm, this may be a universal truth.”

Now, Mr. Schlesinger’s next sequence of ideas I thought were fantastic.

After discussing the limits of the scientific method, he asserted that entrepreneurs don’t just find opportunities (using deductive reasoning/scientific method type approaches), they make them.

According to Mr. Schlesigner, most universities think something along the lines of, “We will systematically improve the quality of thought, and this improved quality of thought will lead to improved action.”

But this contains a spurious thought-action link of causality.

Now the gem of the whole keynote:

YOU CAN ACT YOUR WAY INTO NEW WAYS OF THINKING.



Now, I don’t know where Mr. Schlesinger got this particular phrase. The concept is certainly not new – we all know the old maxim, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” But this particular formulation of that idea is bloody brilliant.



Because it has radical implications for those who suffer from depression.

Now let me go personal-anecdotal for a moment.

When I was in the depths of my depression, my way of thinking was as twisted as can be. Each day, I thought nothing but, I want this to end – I need this to end – I will soon end my life. I meditated upon the possibility for relief that death would provide until it became an all-consuming obsession. Every second of every minute of every hour, my brain did nothing but register pain, and my natural response to that was to develop a flawed system of thought – the “I give up” system of thought.

But after I survived absolute rock bottom (with the help of many people), I found hope in an idea – I would write a book. A book that would help others in my situation.

And no matter what happened, or how bad it got again, I wasn’t going to pull any stupid shit until my book hit the shelves.



I cannot emphasize enough how much this book idea meant to me, and how many obstacles it gave me the strength to plow through. Let me explain the situation a little more fully.

I’ve never written anything for a public audience until this blog. In high school, I wasn’t on the staff of the school paper, nor did I ever submit a single article. My only experience with formal writing was writing essays for class. And we all know how bullshit that can be.

Now even after I changed my mindset and decided I wanted to live (it’s very easy to rationalize that suicide is the most moronic of options, but very hard to stick to that rationalization in the face of constant intense pain), I still had a host of physical symptoms from the depression.

Looking back at some of my symptoms, I think it was also partly that I’d acquired a vitamin B deficiency, quite possibly aggravated by a brief but intense period of alcoholism. I even thought I had neurological problems and got to hyperventilate for an EEG (Electroencephalogram) and sit through a TCD (Transcranial Doppler test), and eventually an MRI.

Yeah, I’m pretty screwed on health insurance now, even though I’m only 20 years old. Profit-driven bastards.

(For the record, brain MRIs are just cruel. It’s like being on a game show and getting every answer wrong, and having the “ERRR-you’re-wrong” beeps fire off constantly, rapidly, and in a rhythmic fashion while you're confined in a chamber)

But worst of all of my symptoms was the reemergence and rapid intensification of my Tourette’s syndrome.

I’ve had Tourette’s syndrome since I was 2 years old (I don’t actually remember that far back, but I’m told so by my father). I’ve cycled through several different tics, including arm and leg jerks, waving my hand across my face, shoulder shrugs, pulling my hair, ear popping, and excessive sniffing and blinking.

By the time I got to high school, many (but not all) of these tics tapered off, and it really wasn’t much of a factor in my life.

But after going through such a prolonged and severe period of stress, all of these bizarre uncontrollable urges came flooding back, and with an unprecedented intensity.

I was jerking and tensing the muscles in my arms and legs every few minutes or so. When I walked, I had to kick the inside of my right shoe against the back of the heel of my left shoe, so that my right shoe would wear thin from the constant friction. Moreover, certain parts of my feet had to come into contact with the ground at very particular times, or else I would freak out.

I would force myself to pop my ears (you know how if you swallow, you get that little pop? Like that, except self-induced without swallowing), sometimes continuously for minutes at a time.

And blinking. There were times when I’d blink nearly nonstop for an hour. And it wasn’t just blinking, it was hard blinking. Sometimes I’d have to emphasize the strength with which I blinked a certain eye, left or right, so that it would turn out more like a wink.

For a while I didn’t dare drive.

Much of this continued when I enrolled at Rutgers. The hard rapid blinking and ear popping continued even after I left and moved to Waltham. (I considered wearing sunglasses indoors to conceal it, but decided it would only draw attention to the matter)

Driving to Olin was a bitch the first few weeks. I’m not sure it was even a responsible thing to do. There were definitely some near misses, especially in bumper-to-bumper traffic, when you’re already prone to zone out.

Now I don’t mean to pity my past self. Or wallow in past misery.

The point is that I was having a very trying time on a daily basis. I even accepted the fact that I might live with severe Tourette’s syndrome for the rest of my life. That I had possibly (and probably) done severe damage to my body for putting it through so much stress.

Even today, I’m worried about the long-term consequences of that prolonged period of intense stress. But only a little worried, because worrying is largely useless to me, so I don’t do it.

The key thing is, having a project to work on sustained me.

I knew that I had something to offer that no one else in the world could offer, and I woke up every day looking forward to delivering.

As time has progressed (I’ve only been in the greater Boston area for 2 months or so), I’ve taken on new projects in addition to my book.

And my symptoms have finally disappeared. Yes, I still have minor tics associated with my Tourette’s syndrome, but I am largely symptom free. I could not be more thrilled about that.

What I’ve come to realize is that bringing out the entrepreneur within me has been the most potent antidote to the symptoms of my depression – both the mental and the physical symptoms.

By taking action – dropping out of school and driving to Waltham – I forced myself into a new way of thinking.

I threw my back against the wall and left myself with only two options – success or failure. Which really means I left myself with only one option.

Success.

As a good friend of mine (shout out to Dan at Babson) recently reminded me,

“Do or do not…there is no try.”



-Yoda

The fact is, crisis is opportunity.

Depression is crisis to the extreme, and because of that, it is a chance for you to reinvent yourself through the struggle it will require to defeat it. Use it to discover the unassailable strength within you.



Use it to unleash the entrepreneur within you.



I believe that any effective solution to the problem of depression will incorporate the entrepreneurial spirit that exists within all of us.

For some of us, this spirit burns fierce like fire. For others, it dribbles like snot.

I don’t care. I know it’s there.

Popping pills is not entrepreneurial. Sitting on a couch and letting a therapist talk at you is not entrepreneurial. That is why these traditional methods are so often ineffective. And not only that, they are expensive too. And if they do work, they work in conjuction with a change in mindset and lifestyle. No amount of drugs or therapy will work unless the patient is active about getting better.

There must be a better solution to traditional interventions.

And that is what I spend the majority of each day thinking about.

If you have any ideas, let me know!

-David

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