On Education – Intro (Tutoring Sean at Calvert House)

Today I would like to share with you an important memory of mine. It’s a memory that inspired me, gave me hope, and showed me what was possible. And it’s a memory that really gets to the heart of our social venture.

***

When I was still a student at the University of Chicago, one of my extracurriculars was tutoring Chicago youth. One of the organizations I tutored with was Calvert House, the Catholic Center at UofC. Once a week, for two hours in the morning, a small group of students (including myself) would tutor a group of “less-privileged” kids, ranging from elementary school to high school students.

“My” first kid was Aaron, a 7-year-old who was addicted to wrestling, violence, and naughtiness, and had quite a limited attention span. I tried my best, but I didn’t manage to connect with him. “Tutoring” him really sort of became just “babysitting” him.

Which is fine. I think a large part of the purpose of places like Calvert House is just to provide a safe and encouraging environment, several times a week, for kids who might normally not have such an environment.

In general, I noticed that many of the tutor-tutee relationships operated this way – more like hangout buddies or “Big Brother/Big Sister” type relationships, where kindness and camaraderie were placed as top priority.

***

For a large portion of my life, I operated under the same assumptions, believing that sheer kindness was the best way to help someone. For instance, as co-captain of my high school ultimate team, I remember on “running days” when we’d run a 3-mile loop along Dempsey St, I’d sometimes run at the back of the pack, with the “stragglers,” to try to pace them and offer them kind words of encouragement.

Then one day I read The Prophet by Khalil Gibran, one of my all-time favorite books. And this quote from the chapter “Good and Evil” struck me as remarkably true:

You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps.

Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping.

Even those who limp go not backward.

But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness.

You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good,

You are only loitering and sluggard.

Pity that the stags cannot teach swiftness to the turtles.

In your longing for your giant self lies your goodness: and that longing is in all of you.

But in some of you that longing is a torrent rushing with might to the sea, carrying the secrets of the hillsides and the songs of the forest.

And in others it is a flat stream that loses itself in angles and bends and lingers before it reaches the shore.

But let not him who longs much say to him who longs little, "Wherefore are you slow and halting?"

For the truly good ask not the naked, "Where is your garment?" nor the houseless, "What has befallen your house?"

The fact is, some people have more passion for life than others do. But everybody has some (see my earlier post On Entrepreneurship – Its health benefits).

How best to bring it out? How best to teach? To educate?

HOW BEST TO INSPIRE?

It’s not by “limp[ing] before the lame, deeming it kindness.”

Patience and kindness and camaraderie and sensitivity are essential, but they should be woven in alongside a genuine and even aggressive intention to inspire and to teach.



I believe there is no better way to inspire than by example. Show how to be strong by being strong and expecting the same.

***

One day, my kid Aaron didn’t show up for tutoring, and simultaneously another kid’s mentor didn’t show up.

So I was paired with Sean, a 7^th grader.

If I were to abstract for a moment and pretend I were a teacher w/a class full of seventh-graders, each needing individual attention, and many w/priorities other than learning (priorities I had to discourage, for the sake of classroom order), I admit, I’d probably marginalize Sean as a “lost cause.”

Sean had nearly zero confidence. He dressed awkwardly, and it always seemed his clothes didn’t fit him. His breath always smelled, and his body language spoke of deep insecurity. He could hardly unzip his pencil bag with conviction, let alone hold a conversation.

I immediately identified. I was that same kid, just a few years prior.

The point is, Sean was deeply insecure and lacked confidence – he was the kind of kid you’d be most inclined to immediately “buddy up” with and be ultra nice to.

I chose to avoid that route. Because frankly, it may be easy, and it may be nice, but it’s not very effective.

Instead, I treated him with expectation. I chose to believe in him. And I refused to accept less than what I thought he was capable of.

Looking from the outside, it may have appeared I was being too aggressive, too stubborn, and too unreasonably expecting. Alec, the senior who oversaw everything, definitely gave me some strange looks. I didn’t care (partially because I could tell he was only doing it for his resume, as evidenced by his constant discussion of said resume).

We were working on mixed fractions. I figured out a way to explain them by drawing pizza diagrams, and successively dividing slices into smaller and smaller fractions by halving them, then adding together the new slices, the freshly divided ones now representing new units, new fractions.

At one point, Sean managed to solve a fairly difficult problem on his own using the method I taught him. And I’ll never ever forget the change I saw in him, just in that one moment.

I swear, he sat up straighter in his chair, his body no longer slouched, and he gave off an entirely different vibe. It wasn’t confidence. No, it was far more nervous than that, and far more premature.

I’m fairly certain he terrified himself. I watched his hands tremble in excitement, and his speech stumble as he clumsily, but correctly, explained his logic in solving the problem.

What was it?

It was his recognition of his own potential.

Seeing the concrete evidence with his own eyes – his ability to solve that problem on his own – fundamentally changed him.

I have no idea how Sean is doing today, and I’m not naïve enough to think that one session, with one small success, will turn a life around.

But it might.



And if you keep at it, with the same mentality of belief and expectation and guidance from the teacher, coupled with belief and discipline and hard work from the student, and over an extended period of time, I think it’s likely.

I believe it is these moments of inspiration, of recognition of one’s own potential – one’s own genius – that should be the primary aim of all education.



Not the memorization of facts and theories that can be used to impress and woo at interviews or cocktail dinner parties.

***

Did I contradict Khalil Gibran by pushing Sean? NO.

The fact is, I pushed him, but I pushed him at his level.

I was doing basic algebra in the 5^th grade. He was doing basic fractions in the 7^th grade.  It doesn’t fucking matter.

I saw potential in Sean, and I saw in him a willingness to embrace that potential. So I encouraged it. Aggressively.

I wouldn’t do this for just anyone, partly because I don’t have time, and partly because some people are so utterly closed-minded it would take forever to help them. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’d be hard as hell.

Furthermore, it’s not my business to help people. Not unless they want to be helped. For that reason, most often I try to withhold judgment on people I don’t have a good reason to judge. In fact, the people I judge most, and most harshly, are usually the people I care about most, because I know my friends can take my critiques in the right spirit.

The thing about our social venture – we hope to target a very specific subset of people who struggle with depression: college students who know they are depressed, who want to get better, and who are willing to take action to do so.

These are the people I admire, whom I identify with, and whom I want to help unleash their potential.

***

You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps.

***

In your longing for your giant self lies your goodness: and that longing is in all of you.

***

Embrace your longing for your giant self, and be bold in doing so.

Learn.

-David

[nsn_quick_feedback]