On Perfectionism – Intro

Perfectionism is one hell of a force to reckon with.

On the one hand, it can propel you to greater and greater heights, leading you to accomplish things you never imagined you were capable of. Cross the tipping point, though, and it can drive you to hold yourself to insane, unfair, and unhealthy standards.

There is a time and place for unreasonably high standards. For instance, I would demand and expect perfection from any surgeon who was about to cut me open. Here’s a monologue I love from the movie "Malice":

Jed: The question is do I have a God complex?

Man: Dr. Kessler says yes.

Jed: Which makes me wonder if this lawyer has any idea as to the kind of grades one has to receive in college to be accepted at a top medical school. If you have the vaguest clue as to how talented someone has to be to lead a surgical team. I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

-Alec Baldwin as Dr. Jed Hill

In general, I highly value perfectionism when it comes to one’s work because I believe “work” is the truest expression of love. (It doesn’t need words)

But the type of perfectionism that indiscriminately manifests itself throughout one’s life – that’s deadly. The kind that beats you down to the depths of cynicism, then kicks you around in your own self-doubt - that’s unnecessary, and frankly unacceptable.

Unrelenting omnipresent perfectionism, whether directed externally towards others, or internally towards oneself, does nobody any good.

It kills relationships, for one thing, when you notice every stupid little flaw, every little human imperfection.

But most importantly, it chokes your own spirit and suffocates your vitality.

As someone with a long history of severe perfectionism, I understand pretty well how debilitating it can be to constantly feel like you fall short of expectations.

It’s entirely possible to reverse an innate tendency towards perfectionism. I know because I did it.

Not only do I no longer seek the elusive and all-consuming illusion of perfection, I strongly embrace my imperfection. I see imperfection as something very human, and because of that, something very beautiful.

This shift in my perception has manifested itself in all areas of my life, from the way I relate to others, to the way I motivate myself, even to something like the way I read.

These days when I read, I (mostly, depending on the situation) stop trying to read for anal perfection, and instead read for inspiration. I read fast, efficient, and in large quantities, and I trust that if something is truly important to me, it will burn itself into my conscience for drawing upon later. The result is that I am often unable to hold “intellectual” discussions on many topics, but I am able to actively use what I do remember.

Which is fantastic by me. I’d rather own one idea to the point that I can use it in many different situations than be able to recite entire novels.

I’ve even learned to identify the feeling of imperfection, if that’s legit to say. This is somewhat hard to explain, but sometimes I’ll be walking in the street, and suddenly I’ll realize just how incomplete I am, how utterly unprepared I am for the things I want to do. And I’ve realized I actually tremendously enjoy that sensation now. It keeps my mind sharp and alert for opportunities to “remedy” my imperfections – to learn.

All this being said, I continue to struggle with perfectionism. People tell me I am incapable of relaxing. I definitely belong to the “kick-your-own-butt” school of thought, and I constantly feel I’m not doing as much as I could be doing.

Even writing the entries of this blog can be a pain in the butt for me sometimes, as I try to strike the balance b/w quality and expediency. I’m aware that there’s a certain finality that is born once you hit “Publish” on Wordpress, but I try to not to psych myself out.

With all this in mind, I’ve decided to start a series of posts on Perfectionism, of which this is the introductory post, where I will share my thoughts and stories on perfectionism.

Check back in as I continue to search for my personal sweet spot b/w perfectionism and (in)sanity.

-David

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